Sometimes we have incompletions, lacks of wholeness and completeness, that we carry around impacting our happiness and experience of life.
The accumulation of these individual incompletions weighing us down and reducing our capacity to experience love and joy.
The more we complete the past the greater our capacity to fill our life with the experience we want.
At 17 years of age, I owned a firearm.
The mantra in my family was “if you shot it you ate it!“. That made sense in a family used to supplementing their food with rabbit or kangaroo.
Given our circumstances though and on reflection the most valuable thing that our family owned was my Dad’s shotgun.
At this time I was very skilled at tying trout flies. And that’s where I have to cleanup with the crows.
As it happened, I decided I needed black feathers for my fly patterns. I resolved that crows were abundant and while I knew I didn’t want to do it and it flew in the face of “you eat what you shoot”, I set about shooting a crow.
This took days, as crows are alert and elusive. If you are carrying a gun towards a murder of crows they simply move and stay out of range. Until one chose to perch high in a tree. It took something and yet I still did it. I shouldered the gun and shot the crow!
Of course, I can point to the vast number of crows that farmers have shot and say “well I only shot one crow“, as some sort of justification.
The critical thing is that I did this against my own feelings. It felt wrong then and flew in the face of my training. I applied force unjustly and unnecessarily. It left a scar, an incompletion, and like many things in life it holds on undermining “self”.
So now I’m cleaning up with the crows. The crows can’t say what the impact my shooting one of them might have and I know I can’t continue to ignore the impact on myself. It’s not too far out of mind, a black feathery blotch in my past, routinely brought to notice with each sighting of a crow.
Crows, I broke my word to my father and myself. The impact on you was the unnecessary and untimely loss of a friend. A murder of a crow! The impact on me is a loss of completeness and peace.
What I am committing to, is love and peace, and I promise to live peacefully and to give up the use of force to get what I want. I take on being responsible for my word and actions in all areas of my life, across all time – past, present and future.
Alan. PS: I do not own a firearm and have not since 1977.